The roundabout of parenthood
Hi again folks, I hope everyone is well!
Well again insomnia has me sitting in front of my PC with the headphones on listening to music and writing another post for my blog. I do hope that these posts aren’t getting on your nerves as they seem to be coming thick and fast over the past week or so!
I was reading a post on SWAN UK’s Facebook Page and it got me thinking again about a subject that my wife and I have danced around for about 3-4 years now……having another child.
My wife and I always had envisioned having a large family of 4 kids. We always talked about it and with 3 girls we really hoped that we would have the chance to have a little boy. After the really long labour and traumatic birth of our SWAN daughter (you can read about it here) I was always hesitant as I guess I am still a bit traumatised by seeing my wife go into shock after the fetal blood sampling they needed to do. For anyone who isn’t sure what this involves I will explain. A fetal blood sample is taken from the head of the infant to check the blood pH level to see if the child is getting enough oxygen. This caused my wife’s body to go into shock as her cervix was in the wrong position and it shouldn’t have been performed in our opinion (you can read more about it here if you want). I can still see in my mind the force used and her body shaking after the procedure was finished. It was a horrible experience for her and for me to see and it scares me to think that it could happen again if we were to have another child. In fact the though of all the prodding and poking that would be involved throughout the pregnancy for her and the baby is something that I feel is unfair for her to experience and it worries me every time we talk about it.
The major factor that comes into play is that our youngest daughter has an undiagnosed genetic condition. She has gone through every single test that can be performed to look at all of the possible syndromes and conditions they know about and they still come up blank.
(I got a bit sidetracked here and wrote a whole load of stuff about our worst Christmas but that will be another post as it went off topic slightly)
So we asked the geneticist if there were any chances that another child would have the same genetic condition and the response we got was to wait a few more years to see if they have found anything. They wouldn’t say whether there was or wasn’t a chance of it happening again. So here we are 5 or 6 years on in the same position of wondering and I am now 33 and my wife is 37. Time is rapidly running out for us to have another child of our own. We both desperately want to but there is always that niggling doubt in the back of our minds of what if? We have even considered adoption as I always said I would love to offer a child the opportunity of becoming part of my wonderful family and getting the love and care that every child deserves. We feel that it is an awkward path to go down though as we have a 3 bed bungalow that is adapted for my daughter’s needs and it would mean another child sharing with our older daughter. It also then has us questioning whether it is fair to have a child who has gone through a traumatic time already being put into a family where there is a child with special needs who needs a lot of care and attention. And around and around we go again!
This is not something exclusive to us I have found as I read on the SWAN UK Facebook page. There are a number of families going through the same question and wondering if they are playing a roulette wheel of chance. It is heartbreaking to think there are so many families out there who have so much love to give and so much devotion to their families already but they feel guilty about thinking of having another child. I read a wonderful blog at areyoukiddingney where the writer has a more optimistic view on it all.
I think the biggest fear that I have is that if I did have another child of my own and it was growing up and hitting all the milestones that my daughter still hasn’t reached, it would make me feel even worse and I don’t think I could handle that to be honest. When people ask me what I would do if I had three wishes, the very first thing that jumps to my mind is to take all of the problems away so my beautiful daughter can experience everything that this world has to offer. I would happily trade places with her just to take it all away from her, I feel so helpless at times with my own disability and then watching her go through things that I can’t control or help with.
And so the roundabout turns again and we get back to the start of the argument again. It sometimes feels like a playground with my emotions. The roundabout going around and around the issues, feeling the ups and downs of the seesaw depending on what has happened that week and the swings of my mood back and forth between happy and energetic to depressed and angry at the fact I can’t move some days without being in agony, even with the copious amounts of pain medications that I take.
So that is the question we have today, What would you do in this situation?
Well I guess that is it for now as I don’t want to overload anyone with information so:
Until next time, Stay Safe!