How do you get back to yourself?

Hello once again folks, Day 14 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

Wow 2 weeks in and I have managed to find some fantastic people on this world wide web, post every single day to my blog, buy a website domain/hosting, learn more about WordPress plugins and stay sane through all of it!

I found myself talking to some wonderful people over at the Bloggers Unite tribe I am a member of on WANATribe about starting to write some other material that is not necessarily about special need parenting and subjects similar to that like I do with this blog.  Don’t get me wrong I LOVE this blog and all of the readers that I have and it has helped me grow so much in the past month or so that I have been writing it.  I just feel that as I am enjoying writing so much that I should branch out into some other things that I am really passionate about as well.   But then I realised……..what am I actually passionate about any more? I know that sounds a little strange but because every day is so tied up in managing my own pain and caring for my disabled daughter that I have forgotten what makes me…..well…..ME.  I used to have so many things I was passionate about and I used to be involved in so many things in so many different areas but it all stopped either when my daughter was born or I got really bad with the pain.
I guess this is part of the journey I am on and part of the reason this blog has been helping me.  I am slowly but surely realising my own worth as a human being and an individual.  After suffering so much abuse and self-hating about my weight, depression and coping with the binge eating I have piece by piece lost the parts of myself that made me have an identity and feel I had something to give to the world around me.

There are a few things and people who have slowly helped me start to realise this and it is because of them that I feel I need to take a big leap back into my own identity and start being a little selfish and start doing things for me and the man I want to be (there will be a big shout out at the end of this post I warn you).  I don’t want to get up in the morning any more and look in the mirror at this stranger’s face that looks like me but isn’t a true representation of the real me.  I don’t know if this is just something that has happened to me alone or not but I can’t help but think that there are some other people out there who must look in the mirror and see somebody different staring back.

Where did my dreams and aspirations go?  Where did my motivation go? Where did my passion for life go?  Why have I been so content to let life pass me by instead of jumping in and experiencing life? Why have I passed up on opportunities because I didn’t have the confidence to step up to the plate and realise my worth, opinion and experiences are valuable?

These are all questions I am now asking myself because I don’t want my life to reach it’s later stages and be full of regrets, wishes unfulfilled and feeling like I hadn’t participated in life in general after all it isn’t a dress rehearsal!  I am going to make a change in my life from today, this is it:

I promise to be myself, I promise to start recognising my self-worth, I promise to reignite my passion, I promise to start living life instead of letting it pass me by and I promise to be a happier, confident, meaningful part of the world around me and give back to those who need it.  I promise this in front of all of you people who are reading this and those of you who think about me even for a flashing moment during your day.

I used to be so involved in amateur dramatics, I used to play in a band, I used to sing ALL of the time, I used to listen to music ALL day,  I used to wood carve a lot, I love watching movies, I love poetry and reading, I loved playing computer games, I loved watching NFL and Rugby,  I loved talking to people and sharing stories/jokes and I used to love cooking A LOT (more than I did eating it!).
All of these things I used to love doing but I have also found out a few things that I have started doing that I really enjoy doing now such as fundraising for charity, writing my blog/stories/poetry (anything really!)  and learning about all sorts of things (I seem to like to learn about virtually anything as well).
Then there are a few things I would love to do but have never had the confidence, or I have lost the confidence, to do such as learning to dance, putting my singing out into the world for people to hear, writing things to put out into the world for people to read,  building my own reviewing website/blog to give honest reviews on different products and cooking a meal for people again.

Looking at these things there are lots of ways for me to start looking at finding myself again but I would love to have as many of those who have helped me along the way on board with my journey so I plan to write about them as I go.  Is this something you folks would be interested in reading as well or is it something I should write about in a different place?  How would you go about finding yourself again?  Do you think you would approach it in the same way as I plan to do?

And finally to the shout out part (I don’t mind if you skip this) as I really would like to thank:

My wife, daughters and family for being there when I really needed their strength and support;
All of the folks at SWAN UK who make the journey with a daughter who has an undiagnosed genetic condition so much easier to bear;
Karen, Dan, Andrew, Tina, Faith, and Duane for being excellent friends and listening to the gripes and groans and generally being awesome mates through the bad times and the good;
@Sarahmckenzie80 for making me laugh so many morning on Twitter when I have felt like I have been hit with a steamroller,
@HumanInRecovery and @Athenabrady for your kind thoughts, support and general sweet natures that have helped build me up;
All of the folks at WANATribe who have supported me and offered me help in building my confidence as a writer and blogger;
All of the folks participating in the Ultimate Blog Challenge who have helped my readers grow and offered such insightful blogs to read;
To anyone else I forgotten to mention, if you think you should have been on this list you are probably right and every little thing you have done contributes in some way to my life and for that I am truly thankful;
Finally A BIG HUGE THANK YOU to all of you readers who have contributed to my first steps to becoming my own person again, you will never know how much the comments, support and thoughts have helped me realise I need to begin a new journey and I hope you will continue to support me along the way.

Until my next post stay safe and keep smiling!